When being a SAHM isn’t all it’s cracked up to be 

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Soon after high school I applied at a local hospital to be a patient care tech. Yeah the person that does all the work while the nurse claims all the credit 😜. (Nurse friends please know I’m teasing!) I was pumped to be called in for an interview. The only thing I can remember from that interview was answering why I wanted to work on the mom and baby unit. My answer still rings crystal clear, “God put me on this earth to have babies. I know that in my soul. And while I’m not ready just yet to have a baby, I couldn’t think of a better place to work.” The manager could have just had me sign paperwork right there and then. Would have saved me another 45 min trip into town a few days later. But I knew I was in the right place. My passion for children escalated and my womb was screaming! My dear husband, who was my fiancé at the time, was about to put me in the looney bin if I didn’t stop asking him for a baby! So I made sure my wishes were heard and I backed off for a while. I told him that my plan was to be married with at least one baby by the time I was 25. Well guess what?! God answers prayers when we get out of our own way because that’s exactly what I got! I knew I was destined for greatness!


Leaving my precious girl to go back to work at 3 months old was excruciating. I was very fortunate that my mother in law was able and willing to keep her while I worked 3 days a week. Days with my angel were more perfect than I had ever dreamed but I longed to be home with her every day and fulfill my wifely duties to the best of my abilities. A year and a half later we finally got our act together and created a budget and worked to double checked to make sure financially that we would be able to afford me staying home. God answered that prayer too!

I briefly mentioned in my post Raising a pistol, about the troubles we had with her “anger” moments early on. A week into staying home we moved 7 minutes up the road to a bigger house. Obviously my attention was not entirely on Punk (our nickname for her). And she started acting out in what seemed to be starvation for attention. She hit “terrible twos” well before her second birthday. Along came every temper tantrum anyone had ever told me about or I had ever read online anywhere! You know the ones I’m talking about. She was trying my patience in ways I didn’t think possible. I mean, every bone in my body was made with love and kindness and patience. How could this God given child of mine cause me so much grief?! As I was learning to cope with her one nap a day instead of two and falling asleep without a bottle, then that whole “Threenager” thing happened. And hell hath no fury on the toddler who wanted the pink fork and was given a green one. Sheesh! She became a spaghetti noodle on the floor because I asked her to go potty. She sqwaled because her pizza was bending and not flat. The list goes on.

I started locking myself in the bathroom just to get that few seconds of peace. Which was interrupted by meltdown and kicking of the door because I had locked her out. A few times during these quarrelsome days, I text my mother in law and asked if she could take the thorn in my side for a day so I could have some woosah time and get my bearings straight. I cried and got nothing accomplished the first couple times. But then I got over it and started taking some time for me as I know I needed. I soaked in baths and read books. Well just one. One time. Then I started reading more blogs and articles that had more meaning to me. Haha!

A time or two I caught myself wondering if the SAHM life was really for me. My anxiety has been sky rocketing, my blood pressure higher than it’s ever been (and borderline medication needed), and I just keep adding pounds to that ugly little scale. I shamefully admit that I eat junk when I’m stressed. Which has been more days than not in the last 2 years. I go to bed mentally exhausted every single night. I’m out within 2 minutes of my head hitting the pillow.

Her very first rainbow all by herself. As she sang the colors of the rainbow song outloud 😍

 

But the coolest thing…every morning when I wake up it’s like nothing had happened the day before. I tell her I missed her while she slept which is true. I always miss her as soon as I crawl in bed. We snuggle up and watch cartoons for an hour before we eat breakfast. While during that hour we may play hide and seek, play rhyming words or silly words. Two of her most favorite self thought up games that consumes a lot of her days. And every morning I thank God for the beautiful blessing he has entrusted me with. And every night I make sure to tell her that I love being her mommy! These two specials times during the day bring me back to reality and help me realize that being a SAHM is exactly where I am supposed to be!

Xoxo,

Toni

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