Being married is hard work. Some days it feels like a part time job and so mentally exhausting that I sometimes find myself “shutting up” just to avoid a fight.
I’m a crier. The simplest conversation can turn into crocodile tears in a matter of seconds. I have powerful emotions and generally want my husband to see things my way. And when he doesn’t I feel so much passion and sympathy for him. I don’t cue the waterworks to get my way. I end up bawling my eyes out because I care so passionately about things and have so much respect for him, that I just want a peaceful resolution.
Last night for example, we got on touchy subject that we are not strangers to. And I instantly broke down in tears. While he is apologizing for upsetting me, I’m thanking him for finally telling me what’s on his mind. I can always tell when something is bothering him because he “takes it out on me” by shutting down. Nothing is wrong, he is fine, simple peck of a kiss goodbye for work, won’t just stand and hold me like he knows I crave daily. So I sit there quiet as a church mouse and let him spill his guts, nodding in agreement every so often while tears roll down my cheeks.
Every part of me wants to scream “You’re an idiot! Who thinks like that?!” Of course I don’t dare respond that way! So I collect my thoughts for a moment and gently say “This is where you and I were raised different. We don’t always have to agree on things. But we do have to find a common ground to meet in the middle.”
In marriage we both have to give…a lot. The “my way or the highway” attitude is not an acceptable way to think or communicate especially to the person you love. Common ground is the very core of every relationship! Common ground is agreeing on who sleeps on which side of the bed. It’s realizing parenting styles are different but you each want the same outcome for your child. It’s him wanting Pizza Hut and her wanting KFC, so you settle on Taco Bell. You get the idea!
No two people are exactly alike, God has blessed each and every one of us with a mind of our own. As life partners it is extremely difficult to always see eye to eye. His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa. We compliment each other and no matter what tough conversations or dealings we have to face, we always come out stronger afterwards. Because we recognize the value that we each bring to the table. He is not above me and I am not above him. We are in this together and we have to humbly put our selfish tendencies aside.
I respect my husband and his feelings. Point blank. And when respect is shown from both parties, love flourishes! It’s an amazing feeling and honestly I crave it! I am able to fall more and more in love with him every day!
How do you and your spouse find common ground? Are some topics more easily agreed upon than others?