Recently my handsome hubby and I have been feeling really distant. I guess it’s me more than him. And being that we’ve been together for nearly 13 years, this is not a new feeling for me. We go through rough patches where life just gets in the way of all intimacy.
No I’m not just talking about sex. Intimacy is holding hands in the truck, snuggling on the couch to watch the evening news, laughing at an old picture of your younger selves. Intimate moments get tossed aside in the shuffle of coming home from a long day at work only to frantically cook dinner while trying to multitask and open bills you don’t even want to look at. In 2017 the world is now moving at such an accelerated pace and you have to intentionally stop to make these intimate moments happen.
I am a very “needy” wife. Let me explain. I need affection more so than any other woman I know. It is my biggest love language!! I don’t NEED flowers (although getting them definitely doesn’t hurt 😉), I don’t NEED date nights and jewelry. What I DO need is a kiss when he walks in the door. And after he has had a few minutes to compose himself, grab a beer and make his way to me again, I need the arms of my man. Stand in the kitchen and hold me for at least 2-3 minutes while the dog constantly barks for you get off me. Haha! It’s not too much to ask. Then he can go about the rest of his evening all by himself for all I care. That’s a little dramatic but at least I’ve got the attention I’ve needed all day.
His way of loving me is so completely opposite. We couldn’t be two more different people if we tried. But that’s what makes us great together! In his eyes, loving me means maintaining my car so that Punk and I can go safely about our days, going to work despite having a massive headache because it’s his job to provide for his girls, or even telling me he’d prefer for me not to make that girls trip an hour away because if something happens to us and he can’t be there… All of these things are definitely not my definition of love. But it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong!!
It’s taken me many years to figure out that those are ways he shows love to me. And I accept those gestures with every ounce of my soul!! I have to put forth the effort and clearly ask for what I want/need. As he walks through the door he always flashes me that million dollar smile, so I meet him in the middle of the room and throw my arms around his neck for a big wet one! (Flashback to Little Rascals were Alfalfa asks Darla for a “big wet one”, a kiss 😍) And once we’ve settled down in the evening I gently pat the couch next to me, signaling him I’d like his company beside me. That works for us! And those little moments go a long way with me!
Ladies and gentlemen I strongly encourage you to find out what your spouses/partners love language is. Google it if you have to, there are articles galore. Don’t be selfish and throw temper tantrums when your spouse isn’t understanding what you need. Politely make a known or just straight up ask for what you need when you need it. Assumption is one of the biggest mistakes in marriages because both get a little too comfortable. Don’t let that be you!
I’d love to hear from you!! Comment below or shoot me an email!
Have you found your spouses love language??